Day No.1

Day 1

Pretty boring so far. Mom and dad have been here since 8am. Vero is stopping by later. I'm happy to have some visitors and even happier since they'll keep mom and dad entertained.

Today they put the electrodes on my head. Barbara, the EEG tech, was very nice to me and we had good conversations. So that made the whole thing go faster. After she was done I was like…okay… i looked at myself in the mirror and realized that look pretty weird, with these things stuck on my head and wires coming out of those electrodes. I have this beanie on to keep the electrodes from being yanked out.. I didn't really mind it until my mom made fun of it. Now i'm feeling self-conscious about how i look.

I had a conversation with a couple of doctors regarding my stay here, about my seizures, and about the surgery. I have a lot of anxiety about the entire thing. Worry #1 is the surgery....I don't want to lose my memory. What if I'm not Rosario anymore??? The doctors come by at different times and I had the exact same conversation about my stay here. I told them I was worried about dying and shit. They both gave me the same rehearsed line about how there's a bigger chance of dying when you cross the street than there is having this surgery. Yeah...that's probably because waaaaaaay more people walk across the street than f'n have brain surgery! blah. Worry #2..How am I supposed to afford all of this??? UGH. Both doctors told me not to worry about any of this until after the testing is done. Yeah, easy for them to say. They don't have to worry about losing their memory or how they're going to afford any of this shit. However, it's pretty interesting that they can tell how tense I am just by looking at the brain waves on the screen. Worry#3..I'm going to be reported to the DMV and my license is going to get suspended :(. sucks dude. How am i supposed to get around? It's so hard to do in LA. Ugh

One of the most annoying things about this whole process is that I'm not allowed to walk around or do ANYTHING on my own. I can't get out of my bed for anything. I can't even get up to plug in my chargers, in the outlet right behind my bed! I have cameras on me 24/7 so they can tell if I'm moving around. I have to call the nurses and bug them to do shit for me…like ask them to get me the sweater that is in the chair a couple of feet away from me. Haha. Since I can't walk around on my own (they want me to make sure that I'm okay) I have to have a nurse walk me to the bathroom and they have to wait for me just outside the door in case i fall or seize or whatever. Hello, i need to fart! I can't do that with somebody listening in on me!

Earlier, a nurse put a tourniquet on my arm to constrict my veins so that she could put in an IV. She tied the tourniquet super tight, and she left the room. My arm started turning purple, and I saw all of my veins pop out. It was weird I've never seen that before. Bitch was gone for a long time and I felt like my arm was going to explode.

Aside from all of that I'm super vulnerable right now. I don't want anybody to see me like this. I don't want anybody to see me lose control of my body when i seize. It's embarrassing. Even though my family and friends will love me no matter what, it's still hard for me.

I'm trying to be as positive as possible, but i'm also trying to keep this as real as possible. This is my experience with telemetry testing and i want to share it with you. Writing about it is keeping me sane.