Speaking of which, I was going through my blogs and realized that what i started writing in today's blog is EXACTLY the same as yesterday's!! LOL.
The difference today, is that I finally had a grand-mal seizure. Last night they pulled me off of all my meds, and that finally caused some activity aka seizures. This morning my doctor came by and told me the seizure was successful, it read wonderfully on the screen, and they have all the information they need. Since they have what they need, the doctor (Dr.Haneef) told me I could leave today. I told him that I was having auras (one that lasted about 45 minutes) and asked if he really thought it would be best for me to go... so he told me to stay one more day. Can you believe I manipulated him into letting me stay one more day?? Especially considering how badly I've wanted to go home. But I really wanted to stay...
Stay for another day because....K, are you ready for this? The weird thing is after doc told me i could leave I started feeling melancholy and had a strong urge to cry. I don't want to leave all the nice people I met here. The nurses were so kind to me and took such good care of me. These nurses took interest in me, and did all they could to make me laugh, smile, and keep me as comfortable as possible. I've never had nurses like this. Usually nurses are in such a hurry to get to the next patient that they barely even look at you. Maybe I'm feeling like this because of the grand-mal I had last night. Grand-mals make you vulnerable and emotional. Maybe it's because while I've been here I haven't had to think about life outside of the hospital and have had people taking care of everything for me...hmmm I realize I'm a big weirdo, considering how badly I wanted to go home yesterday. I realize now that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ask to stay but, whatever the case, I'm going to talk to my doctor and see what he says. Hopefully I'll be able to take back what I told them earlier. I really should leave.
The thing about my nurses is I've developed good relationships with them and I feel that they truly cared about me. Even though the nurses are paid to care for their patients, my nurses have gone above and beyond for me. They treated me so well and I'm so thankful to them. I'm thankful that I got to see their kind faces when I was ill. I'm thankful that I had their support when I was at my most vulnerable and and grateful that they saw me through my scariest moments here. They made me feel safe and cared for. They cheered me up when I was sad and made me laugh when I really needed it!
Whoa, just spoke to my Student Nurse, Rene, and he told me that I had 8 seizures last night!! 8 seizures and 1 big one. No wonder they have all the info they need! Maybe it's best that I don't leave! I need to be taken care of right now. I want to cry. I think after this I'm going to have to stay at my parents so I don't get too depressed. Thinking back to past episodes, melancholy and sadness are typical after a grand-mal seizure. This is normal for me. I just haven' thad one of these in a REALLY long time.
So now i'm waiting...i would like to take a shower, and start packing my stuff. I hope I'll be able to go home....again, even though i'm going to miss my nurses (murses too) I need to get going and focus on getting my life back on track. I hope I get to spend lots of time with my family and surpress my sadness/melacholy/depression as much as possible.
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